


I Don’t Wanna Love You (Anymore)

by soojunqs



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Best Friends, Light Angst, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Rejection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-07-11 12:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15971921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soojunqs/pseuds/soojunqs
Summary: Takostation round 3 For prompt # 27:After seven years, Chanyeol finally musters the courage to confess to his best friend, Kyungsoo. Too bad, Kyungsoo doesn’t want to ruin their friendship nor to advance it to another level.





	I Don’t Wanna Love You (Anymore)

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt # 27: Just when Chanyeol has finally moved on after being rejected by Kyungsoo ("we're okay as friends; nothing has to change"), Kyungsoo realizes that he's in love with Chanyeol but Chanyeol doesn't want to go that road again. 
> 
> OP! Thank you for this wonderful prompt! This is my first time writing such a long fic, please bear with me!! <3 Hope you like it! 
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> Massive thanks to my beta, Alazne, for being so patient and understanding + for screaming abt chansoo with me! Thanks to my chansoo buddy, Kristhel, for helping me iron out this story!
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> Lastly, thank you mods for being amazing!

Seven years ago, over cans of cheap beer and a mellow Tamaki Koji song on the background, Chanyeol realized that he loves Kyungsoo.

It wasn’t a fancy eureka moment for him like those portrayed in dramas. It didn’t feel like he was a male protagonist in a cliché rom-com who saw petals and hearts and rainbows around his potential love interest. There were no flashing and blinding lights around Kyungsoo.

There were no preambles, no anything. It was just the two of them beside each other on Chanyeol’s bed, a little intoxicated.

 

_“Yeol, remember when you asked me during one of our movie nights what was my biggest fear and I said I had none?” Chanyeol nodded before humming in agreement._

_It was weeks ago and back then, he didn’t believe Kyungsoo._

_Everyone had fears, and there had to be something that he was certainly afraid of._

_He didn’t push the conversation further, since Kyungsoo wasn’t ready to open up to him, and opted into drifting the topic into another one. They never spoke about it, not until that day._

_“I lied. I’m afraid… I’m afraid that I would end up being alone for the rest of my life.” Kyungsoo confessed, breath shaky._

_He noticed that Kyungsoo’s hands were trembling when Kyungsoo took another sip of his beer. His cheeks were painted a color dusty pink then, probably because of the alcohol._

_Chanyeol wanted to caress it._

_Chanyeol’s eyes were fixed on Kyungsoo then, expectant about what he was going to say next._

_“This film, it’s called Never Let Me Go, I’ve seen it alone late at night in the cinemas,” He paused. “It has a gloomy mood which I really liked. The three main leads were the best of friends. Hey, you can guess that there’s some messy love triangle going on,” he laughed._

_“A lot of things happened to them, you could say, they have a miserable fate. One of the characters, her name is Kathy––she ended up alone. That night, after the movie, I thought a lot about loneliness and…I-I’m afraid that it would happen to me as well. It’s scary. It’s a scary thought.” Kyungsoo hunched his back, voice raspy._

_It was oddly quiet then, the only thing that Chanyeol registered in his mind was the Japanese song which was about to end._

_He didn’t know how to react. If only there was something that he could do to assure him, to make him feel at ease. To calm him down._

_For the first time in the span of their friendship, he found Kyungsoo extremely breathtaking that night. There was beauty in his vulnerability. The way his eyebrows had furrowed and the way his lips moved while admitting his fear gave Chanyeol feelings, feelings which he couldn’t believe he could harbor._

_After a while, Chanyeol scooted closer to Kyungsoo. He decided to take Kyungsoo’s left hand and entangle it with his right._

_It looked relatively small, compared to his long, big hand._

_Kyungsoo looked down on his and Chanyeol’s entwined hands, mouth agape._

_“Hey, Soo, look at me.” He gently said. It almost came out as a whisper._

_Kyungsoo looked up to meet Chanyeol’s eyes with big, round eyes. There was wistfulness in his eyes and Chanyeol wished, he wished that he could take all that sadness away._

_“It’s not going to happen.” He whispered in his deep and coarse voice._

_“I’m not going to let that happen.”_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Remind me again why it’s a good idea to go to Busan late at night, two weeks before graduation?” Chanyeol munches on the pack of snacks that Kyungsoo bribed him with when they stopped by a convenience store. It is a little after midnight, but here he is, taking whatever is available, for his grumbly stomach.

Busan is a six-hour drive from Seoul and they have at least an hour left on the road before they reach their destination. Kyungsoo is tired, his arms and feet turned stiff from driving. Chanyeol volunteered to take over the wheel, seeing that it was still a long drive to their destination. But Kyungsoo brushed him off, saying it’s okay and that he is by far the most decent driver out of them. He supposes it was Kyungsoo’s way of not troubling his friends any further, since he initiated the trip.

“I told you I got free tickets to a music festival that a friend organized. It would be boring to come alone. Besides, it’s a good opportunity. My friend says we could even perform there.” Kyungsoo retorts, eyes still trained on the road.

“We could? Why didn’t you tell me beforehand? I could’ve brought Matilda with us and hosted a Heavy Noize reunion,” says Chanyeol.

His thoughts revert back to days of laughter, failed demos, and spicy rice cakes. Heavy Noize was a band name which they coined back in high school. Chanyeol formed the band in 10th grade, after he got inspired by a Japanese manga called Beck. Going back, he was so fascinated by the protagonist’s life story–who went from being a plain high school kid to a band member–that after binge reading the manga, he asked his mom to buy him a guitar.

That was the start of his musical exploration. Chanyeol willed it in himself to actually become so good at it that anyone who will hear him play for the first time would end up speechless. He plucked the strings day and night, practicing all by himself, determined to master it. During those moments, Kyungsoo would accompany him - singing, harmonizing, to any acoustic song. It ended up with sleepovers, and late night talks about music, and sometimes, anime. Their friendship’s common ground is music, and they share so many similarities in their taste in songs.

In no time, Chanyeol did get better and he ended up calling his guitar Matilda, just like how the manga character named his Lucille.

That wasn’t the end of it all. By the middle of the school year, he convinced, more like bribed, Kyungsoo and Jongdae (and a lower year named Sehun) into forming a band with him. Sehun took the place of the drummer; Kyungsoo on the bass and supporting vocals; Chanyeol was the lead guitarist and Jongdae became the vocalist. They were the stars of their school festival ‘till the end of high school. That earned him a huge popularity and a lot of fangirls along the way, which boosted his even soaring self-confidence.

Hours and hours of being together resulted to a lot of unfinished songs on his ipod, and up to this day, he still keeps it.

“Hopefully next year? If they get to like us, we could have a full set there. That would be fun, right?” asks Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol only hums in reply. A reunion isn’t most likely, Sehun is still in school, and as for the three of them, in a few weeks, they’ll have to go separate ways because of graduation.

  
  


Chanyeol finds that he’s the most comfortable in sharing his music to Kyungsoo. Among his friends, he trusts Kyungsoo’s feedbacks the most. Maybe it’s because they’ve been through so much together, Kyungsoo practically being with him from the start of his musical journey - even during those times when he would play nothing but Radiohead’s Creep - that he finds him the most reliable. It’s actually amazing, how he became the best of friends with someone whom he initially found scary.

In high school, Kyungsoo was often misunderstood. People, including Chanyeol, assumed that he liked picking fights because he would often glower and squint, but the truth is, the poor boy just can’t see clearly because he has the worst case of astigmatism. Chanyeol guffawed upon this discovery, wrapped his limbs on Kyungsoo and offered to be friends.

They’ve been inseparable ever since.

On most days, his composition process goes like this: initially, when a melody plays in his head, he will immediately slave away in his studio, recording. The lyrics come naturally, line after line, making sense in his head. He will mix and mix some more until he gets satisfied and before he even knows it, he has already spent a few hours in his studio. In the end, Kyungsoo always gets to hear it first, no matter how short or tacky it is.

That’s why when Chanyeol plays his working playlist in Kyungsoo’s car, his chest is filled with excitement and anxiousness. He is eager to hear his reaction.

“Was that—” Kyungsoo starts.

“My new composition? Yeah.” He sports his signature grin, showing his full set of teeth.

Kyungsoo doesn’t need to look at him to know that he’s smiling from ear to ear. “Sounds good. What is it called?”

Chanyeol leans his head to the side, a pensive look on his face. “Hmmm, for now, it’s called Untitled no. 12, but maybe in a few days time, I could name it properly.” He grazes a hand over his chin in contemplation.

“Twelve untitled songs? That’s quite a number. And by the way, the songs are a bit different than the usual. I like it, actually.”

How he managed to do that amidst the long list of course requirements, Chanyeol is not so sure. His last year in college has been a blur; the pressure and stress have built up and he was literally swamped with academic workload.

“Thanks, I guess. I wanted to experiment a bit.” Chanyeol’s cheeks heat up, coloring his cheeks a shade of pink. Any form of compliment from Kyungsoo… just makes him happy. He rubs the back of his neck.

He finds it refreshing to explore different musical genres. The process itself doesn’t always bring good and quality results on the table, but he likes that he gets to fail and learn from it. He’s cool with failure, if that means it will lead him to the best results after.

“Do you plan on still doing that after graduation?” The next track, Chanyeol’s cover of Twice’s Signal started playing. Kyungsoo was with Chanyeol that night when he recorded that song in his studio in Garosu-gil, needless to say, it started off as a joke to annoy the hell out of Kyungsoo. But apparently, his rendition came out well. His rendition was very different from the original singers’, as he stripped off the upbeat and cutesy girl group song.

“Sure, there’s no other thing I could do other than music, anyway. I sent my mixtape to SM Entertainment a while back, and I still haven’t received a call. Maybe I’d wait for a few months before moving on to another entertainment company. How ‘bout you? Are you going to put that film degree to use?”

“Maybe.” Kyungsoo answers, hands tightening on the steering wheel.

The last time they talked about his, Kyungsoo went on a long narrative about the potential movie plots that he had written; about the genres that he wanted to explore. He doesn’t know what has changed, or why his answer is laced with uncertainty.

“What? Are you unsure of it now? I’m sure Director Do will have many love calls.”

“Stop flattering me.” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, making Chanyeol snort. He loves showering him with compliments, but every time, Kyungsoo just brushes it off, saying he still has a long way to go or there’s more to improve.

Kyungsoo is usually reserved and humble like this; always shying away from the compliments that he deserves. Sometimes, he just wishes he would be more accepting because god knows how hard he works for his craft.

“What? Didn’t you win the best thesis award with Be Positive? I know for a fact that you would go to places, Kyungsoo. Luckily, a trip to Cannes in a few years’ time.” Kyungsoo’s features soften.

“Stop bluffing, idiot, and just wake Jongdae now. We’re here.” Kyungsoo tugs his cap down, in an attempt hide his face.

Before Chanyeol leans towards the back seat to wake Jongdae up, he sees Kyungsoo’s lips curving up, a faint smile on his mouth. _Cute._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When Kyungsoo dragged them to Busan, Chanyeol thought that it would be another fun weekend with his best friends. After all, Kyungsoo reassures them that it’s the beach, there will be a good line up of indie bands and lastly, there’s the promise of booze.

What more can you really ask for? It’s the perfect weekend before they graduate from college.

Besides, Kyungsoo isn’t the type to do spontaneous trips. It’s the first time Kyungsoo asked them to accompany him elsewhere so _who is he to decline?_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It is a little before noon, when he has had his more than eight hours of sleep, that he discovers that Kyungsoo is nowhere to be found.

Kyungsoo’s single bed is already neatly made. And his cellphone and wallet are not even placed on the side table. Chanyeol assumes that maybe he is outside, taking his late morning walk and drinking his coffee. He decides to leave Jongdae in the room, who is probably still snoring right now, and look for Kyungsoo outside.

“I thought you’d sleep like a log for the rest of the weekend.” Kyungsoo raises his eyebrows at his dishevelled appearance, hair sticking out in weird angles. Chanyeol is wearing a yellow sleeveless top, exposing his toned biceps. He has been working out lately and he takes so much pride in his physique.

“Apparently, some asshole decided to drag me to Busan at midnight, immediately after I passed my final requirement in college. I obviously still haven’t recovered from sleep deprivation.” He answers in a gruff voice.

Chanyeol becomes aware of the company Kyungsoo has. In fact, the brunet beside Kyungsoo is looking at him expectantly.

His face lights up instantly like an overzealous puppy when Chanyeol turns to him, glad for the acknowledgment. “Hello! I’m Baekhyun!” He waves enthusiastically, mouth forming a rectangular shape.

It is too early in the morning, but the latter exudes so much energy that he cannot wrap his head around. Chanyeol squints, trying to make out where he saw this man. Baekhyun looks awfully familiar, and he’s certain he’s seen him somewhere.

With Baekhyun’s smooth face and sharp jaw, it awfully looks like he is worth a spot in billboards next to famous celebrities and models. Chanyeol turns to Kyungsoo, confusion etched on his face.

Kyungsoo shrugs his shoulders. “Baekhyun, this is Chanyeol, he’s my best friend. Baekhyun here is an old friend. And one of the organizers that I told you about.” Chanyeol plops down on a chair next to Kyungsoo.

“Nice to meet you, Chanyeol! You’re more handsome than I thought,” Baekhyun takes in Chanyeol’s unkempt hair, and attractive face. He zones on Chanyeol’s muscular body, specifically the veins protruding in his arms. “...and more buff than what Kyungsoo mentioned. I see now why he likes––”

A pair of lithe hands covers Baekhyun mouth, followed by a string of muffled sounds. Chanyeol has never been confused in his life.

Baekhyun finally breaks free from Kyungsoo’s hold. “You don’t have to be shy, you know.” He whispers to Kyungsoo in particular. “He’s a real pleasure to look at.” He smirks at him, and wiggles his eyebrows. Kyungsoo finds Baekhyun’s line of sight and struggles to keep a straight face.

Sitting beside Baekhyun, Kyungsoo turns beet red from this ridiculous situation. He looks like he wanted to flee, out of embarrassment. Chanyeol doesn’t know what to think of what just happened. Did Kyungsoo just blush because he gazed at his arms? Or was he just imagining things?

Baekhyun smiles wryly before clearing his throat. “So… Chanyeol. Soo told me lots of things about you. He said you’re some composition god. Maybe you could perform tonight and prove that to us… hmm?”

 _Soo? He calls him Soo?_ He clenches his teeth.

“Well, maybe. I could do that.”

“Great! I’ll have you listed after Kyungsoo!” says Baekhyun excitedly.

“Kyungsoo is listed?” He questions, a hint of betrayal in his voice. “You sing now in front of a crowd?”

The last time he heard about Kyungsoo performing, specifically singing alone in a crowd, was when they were sophomores in college, when he begged him to perform in a fund-raising event his club organized. Kyungsoo isn’t particularly scared of people but a huge crowd kind of overwhelms him. He tends to shy away from crowds. So hearing about this news is pretty surprising.

Kyungsoo shakes his head vehemently. “Well, no. It’s just that Baekhyun begged–”

“I pestered Kyungsoo until he agreed. The line up got messed up after some band ditched me. I’m so grateful. Thank goodness, my charm is still effective. Forever a life savior.” Baekhyun chimes in before giving Kyungsoo a light peck on the cheek.

Chanyeol’s eyes are like a deer caught in the headlights. Kyungsoo scowls before lightly slapping Baekhyun on the cheek.

Instead of retaliating, Baekhyun just laughs teasingly, while scrunching his nose at Kyungsoo. In a matter of seconds, Kyungsoo himself laughs back because of how silly Baekhyun looks like.

Chanyeol stayed rooted in his spot. What just happened right in front of his eyes? Was that Kyungsoo looking adorably soft while glancing at Baekhyun? He ignores the sinking feeling in his chest, because no, there is no way that whatever he is feeling is jealousy.

_He couldn’t be jealous._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Yeol, wasn’t this your ex, the dancer?” Jongdae flashes his cellphone before him. His instagram app is open, flashing the instagram feed of a certain user named zkdlin.

He clicks on the most recently uploaded picture, and it reveals Jongin wearing a blazer without an undershirt, exposing the wide expanse of his chest and tanned skin. There’s a huge logo of Allure on the background, and an indication that it’s the 15th year anniversary issue.

“Jongin really sealed the deal, huh. He said he’s going to snag a cover page of some big magazine next year and I didn’t believe him. He outdid himself again.” He props his right elbow, carefully placing his chin on his palm.

What’s with his exes being great people with successful careers? As if Jongin and Wendy weren’t the best examples. Jongin is a famous solo artist now under SM Entertainment, while Wendy, a balladeer whose songs were used as OSTs, is killing the online charts.

Meanwhile, Chanyeol, the estranged ex, just continues being a sore loser, and happens to harbor an unrequited love with his best friend for seven years now.

“I heard that it’s a really big thing for an artist to get to the cover of Allure, more so snag a deal with two versions of an issue. Jongin must have it big now. I mean, his solo activities are a success.” Jongdae opens his beer can. He takes a sip of his beer first before opening another can for Chanyeol.

It’s quite early to go drinking but he’s going to need a surge of confidence before he performs later. Alcohol can boost it for him. They’re currently in a quaint pub near the hotel called The Eve, owned by a feline looking man named Minseok who Jongdae flirts with every now and then. Right now, Minseok is blasting a mellow Dynamic Duo song which Chanyeol is sure that Kyungsoo likes. Good taste. He’ll make sure to give a tip later.

Baekhyun barges in moments later with Kyungsoo at tow. Baekhyun appears all dolled up, eyes perfectly lined with kohl, eyelids shaded with an apricot eyeshadow. If he didn’t know him, Chanyeol would’ve mistaken him as a celebrity. Anyway, he exudes confidence, so to speak. Kyungsoo has a DSLR strapped on his neck and a tripod on hold.

“How do you know Nini?” Baekhyun slides into a seat next to Jongdae, while Kyungsoo sits on the chair beside Chanyeol.

“He was Chanyeol’s ex.” Kyungsoo reaches for Chanyeol’s beer before chugging it down.

“Wow, small world.” says Baekhyun incredulously.

“Are you his friend?” It is Chanyeol’s turn to ask. Baekhyun seems to be familiar with a number of his friends, so it’s a wonder why they haven’t met before.

“Well, you could say that. I trained with him for two years and… what can I say, he’s a dancing god on stage. But a softie offstage, a huge teddy bear.” He coos, fingers making a grabby motion.

Training? Something clicks in Chanyeol’s mind.

He doesn’t get why he didn’t figure it out sooner. The appearance. His clothes. And the knowledge about the industry. It all gave his identity away.

“Aha! Now I get why you’re familiar. You’re that rookie singer featured in Dazed Korea last month, aren’t you?” Chanyeol points at Baekhyun accusingly.

The smirk on Baekhyun’s face gives it away. Of course, a guy that attractive would have that kind of job.

“Dazed… The psycho guy? That’s you? You look different in person. Behind all that heavy eye makeup though, wow.” Jongdae’s eyes widen, unable to process all that information.

Baekhyun chuckles, baring his rectangular smile.

“It’s all right, people find it hard to recognize me without heavy makeup on. Even my fans barely recognize me. Ah, I’m disappointed!” He shrugs his shoulders, sighing in disbelief.

“You can close your mouth now, Jongdae.” Kyungsoo teases, fiddling with his camera equipment and looking at the previews.

“I find it hard to believe that the person who crashed Naver is right in front of me! The photoshoot was all over the site!”

“It sold well, didn’t it? Everything was Kyungsoo’s idea!” Baekhyun boasts. Chanyeol shifts in his seat to take a better look at Kyungsoo, but he remained stoic and busy with his camera.

“I messaged him one day, talked about what I could do to step up my game but he just went on talking about a script he wrote about psychopaths and before I knew it, the name just rolled off my tongue like some second nature, and I suggested it to the editor. That’s how psycho was born! I owe it all to Kyungsoo!” Baekhyun claps his hand.

Chanyeol never doubted Kyungsoo’s creative prowess, his short films can attest to how wide his perspective of the world is. But something in his chest stings because Kyungsoo didn’t tell him about this.

He suddenly feels left out.

Baekhyun and Jongdae continued talking about the entertainment industry, with Jongdae asking all sorts of questions about idols, and who are dating who. Surprisingly, Baekhyun humors Jongdae, answering all his questions patiently and revealing what he knows about the hidden side of the industry.

On the other hand, Kyungsoo quietly excuses himself, murmuring something along the lines of returning his equipment to the hotel room. With Kyungsoo gone, Jongdae finally brings it up.

“I’m surprised. It’s the first time I’m hearing about Kyungsoo’s apparent celebrity friends.” Jongdae says. By this time, Chanyeol is just quietly listening to their chatter, not joining in the conversation.

“We go all the way back? Went to the same audition for SM. We both got in but he dropped out, saying his parents were against him being a singer. In the end, I pursued my dreams.” shares Baekhyun wistfully.

It’s his first time hearing about this. He thought he already knew everything about Kyungsoo. _Apparently, not everything._

“That’s weird, Kyungsoo never mentioned anything about him auditioning in SM.” Jongdae quirks an eyebrow.

“He can be secretive. He told me, it was something that he didn’t want to remember.”

Chanyeol finally breaks his silence. “You seem to be very close. Were you two…?”

“We were once in a relationship but I broke up with him. Quite selfish, I know.” He sighs.

“But a chance like that is once in a lifetime and I worked so hard for it. The management told me that dating is prohibited and I was almost there, at the peak. Part of me still yearns to be with him, you know.”

I tried hard to reach him out. It’s still a long way to go, but… there’s no way I’m going to let him go again.” Suddenly, something prompts Baekhyun to ask. “Don’t tell me, you and Kyungsoo—?”

“What?! N-No,” He stammers. “No. He’s my best friend.” He denies vehemently, shaking his head after.

Jongdae can only look at him with pity.

There’s really nothing to admit because he and Kyungsoo never had anything more than friendship. Maybe in another universe, Kyungsoo’s fleeting touches, and his heart-shaped smiles directed to him meant something else. But right now, he couldn’t say for sure.

“Hmmm.” Baekhyun looks at him warily, examining his face. He doesn’t look in the slightest convinced but he decides to not push it. Instead, he shrugs and engages in another conversation with Jongdae, who animatedly starts talking about a recent play that he took part in.

  


If there’s anything, it would be a lie if he says he isn’t bothered by what Baekhyun just told him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Chanyeol has never imagined that he would be able to stand together in a stage with Kyungsoo again, especially in a music festival like this.

Supposedly, Kyungsoo is to perform three songs with a band, as arranged by Baekhyun, then Chanyeol will follow suit. However, by the end of his second song, Chanyeol gets dragged by Kyungsoo on stage and coerced into playing the guitar for him. He is puzzled, because there is a band available and there’s no need for him to do that. But Kyungsoo gives him a look - a look which says we work well best - that makes him go and grab the guitar Kyungsoo borrowed for him from the band.

“What should I play?” He asks, as he adjusts the strap of the electric guitar. Nothing will beat the feel of Matilda draped on his shoulder, but for now, this will do.

Kyungsoo’s eyes widen in contemplation, but seconds after, he blurts out, “Play what we sing best.”

“ _Billionaire?_ ” Chanyeol suggests, smiling fondly. He wanted to add that whatever they sing will be liked by the audience because of Kyungsoo’s chocolatey voice, but he stopped himself. Kyungsoo wouldn’t admit it anyway, that his voice is actually god-tier.

They share a knowing smile; Kyungsoo’s cheeks rising, his lips forming a heart-shaped smile before Chanyeol strums the guitar, and with a few notes in, they get sucked in by their music.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Chanyeol never considers himself as a good singer. He prefers being complimented as a musician, or a rapper, but never a singer. He’s fairly good in singing, many would say. But he thinks that that kind of compliment, any compliment regarding singing, should be attributed to Kyungsoo. There are many singers that he likes, but Kyungsoo is his favorite.

Kyungsoo’s voice is something that he can never be tired of listening to. There is so much richness and warmth in his voice that lures anyone in. Jongin even complimented Kyungsoo’s singing, admitting that he would dance to any song Kyungsoo releases.

As expected, their joint stage is well-received by the audience. There are a few shouts of “encore!” and they have no choice but to give in. Kyungsoo has to look at the organizers on the side if they agree with this idea, and all they gave him is a thumbs up, which he took as a positive sign.

“Our last song is called _For Life_ , it’s a composition by my best friend and I. It’s about a person who was keen on staying by the side of his lover forever, hence, the title, for life. It’s like being tied to each other for a lifetime.” He elaborates, “I’m sure all the lovers here can relate.” The crowd cheers in delight, obviously elated at Chanyeol’s ment.

Chanyeol sneaks a glance at Kyungsoo, who is looking at the audience, marvelling at the reaction they are giving them. Little did he know that Chanyeol is also marvelling at his mere presence on their joint stage. _And also, little did Kyungsoo know that the song was for him._ It was Chanyeol who wanted to be at his side for long. No matter what it takes.

“Hope you guys enjoy this!” He finally says before playing the song he knows by heart.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Kyungsoo is all smiles when they go down the stage, the adrenaline rushing through his veins from the performance still hasn’t died down. Chanyeol is equally elated; sporting his signature toothy grin, blabbering about the warm reception from the audience. Kyungsoo did a great job in hyping the audience up, the moment they went through the chorus of Billionaire, they had the audience singing along with them.

While performing, Chanyeol caught sight of Baekhyun and Jongdae in the audience, but after the duo’s set, they are nowhere in sight. They must have been drinking in some bars, for all he knows. In the short span of two nights, the two cheeky men had already gotten awfully close. And he’s actually curious about the things they talk about.

On the other hand, Chanyeol doesn’t mind it much because he has Kyungsoo all to himself, which is all to his favor. Before this trip, he thought he would actually have more private time with Kyungsoo (and maybe finally confess his feelings!), but apparently, Baekhyun decided to show up and steer Kyungsoo’s attention. Whatever Baekhyun’s real intention is, he doesn’t really know.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Thank you for always playing for me.” Kyungsoo says, as they were walking side by side on the beach. The sound of the waves is calming enough. Chanyeol is contented with having Kyungsoo by his side like this, even though they pretty much see each other every other day in Seoul.

Chanyeol turns to Kyungsoo and sees that Kyungsoo’s eyes are sparkling and filled with mirth. “That’s it? It isn’t for free. My talent fee is quite high.” He jokes, looking so smug.

“Then, I can’t probably afford it. I’m just a broke filmmaker.”

“Let me star in your films, then. Maybe that can be your payback.” He offers, a cheeky smile on his lips.

“No problem, you would make a good serial killer. Like that guy in _Mind hunter._ ” Kyungsoo unabashedly says.

“This face,” He tops his chin on his palm, “is not suitable for killer roles. This face is meant for ikemen-type roles that make people swoon.” Kyungsoo actually offered him to star in his short film before, a requirement in one of his majors, but apparently, only his body was featured, and his face wasn’t even revealed. Jongdae teased him for days because of it, saying that Kyungsoo only liked him for his body, not his face.

“You meant, vomit.”

“You’re blind and rude.” A pout flashes his face. “Or maybe you’re jealous because I can have people at the palm of my hands.” He jokes. _Except you._

Kyungsoo gags, playfully teasing him. “You’re fishing. And no, I’m not going to affirm it.”

“Then, I’m going to assume you’re jealous, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo scoffs, threatening to punch Chanyeol on his arm. “You wish.”

“Come on, just say it. Say that I’m handsome and I have a great body and I can charm everybody because I–” He gets stopped from his rattling when he notices that Kyungsoo isn’t beside him anymore. He glances behind him questioningly, only to see that Kyungsoo has lagged behind him and has been a few steps behind.

“Well, I suppose, you’re not so bad looking.” He utters dryly, as if he had not just _complimented_ Chanyeol. Fuck.

Chanyeol’s eyes widened, surprise evident on his face. He couldn’t believe what he just heard. He remains frozen in his spot, warmth pooling on his cheeks.

A hand was waved in front of his face. “Hey, are you okay?” Kyungsoo worriedly asks him, unaware of the effect of his nonchalant remark. Chanyeol’s legs are getting wobbly. And he might fall face forward on the ground if he will not move.

By this time, Chanyeol is blushing furiously so he quickly turns his back on Kyungsoo and walks away, leaving him behind. The sand is hindering him from walking fast, as it crawls through his toes, making him move slowly. He ducks his head, adamant on hiding his face. God, the last thing that he wants to experience is to embarrass himself in front of Kyungsoo. But the situation isn’t helping him evade that.

And everything is actually all in vain, because Kyungsoo jogs and catches up to him. He doesn’t waste any time to stop him from walking.

He holds him by the arm, eyes inspecting his face. “Oh my god, are you seriously blushing right now?” It’s a bit dark now, so he doesn’t know how Kyungsoo is able to notice the reddening of his cheeks.

Chanyeol’s lips are quivering and he presses it together, so that Kyungsoo wouldn’t notice.

“So that makes you shut up, huh. I can’t believe you’re so vain.” Kyungsoo sports a devilish grin, as if he knows how to blackmail him in the future.

“Oh my god, shut up.” He splutters. That made Kyungsoo laugh once again.

He has all the reasons to be annoyed but he immediately forgets about it whenever Kyungsoo’s face lights up.

Kyungsoo doesn’t tease him after that. There’s nothing but comfortable silence between them. He likes it, because it is during these moments that he really likes Kyungsoo’s company and everything is just easy with him. He relishes in the moment.

It actually bothers him what would just happen if Kyungsoo finds out about his feelings. Because there are only just two things that could possibly happen: first, his feelings gets reciprocated and they get to live happily ever after with Toben, his dog, and Huchu and Meokmul, Kyungsoo’s poodles. Or the second option is, he gets rejected and he lives in isolation, after. A part of him wishes it is the former, but realistically speaking… maybe it’s the latter. He never knows.

The only thing that worries him now is this: he doesn’t want to get accustomed to the warmth Kyungsoo brings him. Not when Kyungsoo has Baekhyun now with him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Last night was just too good to be true. He was so happy about the outcome of their performance but at the same time, there was a sinking feeling crawling at him because the thought of Kyungsoo and Baekhyun getting back together was a possibility and he just didn’t know how he’d deal with it. His brain just had to remind him of the possibility and future heartbreak.

On another note, Kyungsoo is nowhere to be found again. He must be with Baekhyun again and it just sucks because they leave the day after tomorrow and he is mostly out with the latter.

It just sucks.

“Am I pathetic, Jongdae?” He mumbles after rolling in his bed like a child for at least three times. The sun is out and it’s practically noon but they’re still lazing at their room.

Jongdae, who is on the opposite bed and is enveloped in a comforter himself, grunts. Not again, he hisses. “It’s too early to have this depressing conversation. We’re not drunk enough for this.”

“I was being serious.” He pouts.

Jongdae sighs in exasperation. He rubs his palms on his cheeks. “To be fair, you’re not pathetic, you’re in love.”

“But it’s been seven years. Seven _fucking_ years.”

Jongdae notices the frustration in his voice so he softens his voice this time. “What do you want me to tell you? That you should stop? As if I have not been telling you that for years. You’re an adult and you know what to do.”

“I don’t know what to do. And it’s not like I can immediately throw all that built up feelings in a whim. It’s hard for me too. And the friendship. What will just happen to that?”

Jongdae straightens up. He sits upright, legs stretched in front of him, and removes the comforter which cocooned him. “Why are we having this conversation, anyway?” He asks in all seriousness. “Don’t tell me this is about Baekhyun? Are you seriously threatened by him?” Chanyeol remains silent.

“They dated. He’s out to get back together with him.”

“So?” Jongdae replies, a hint of irritation and sarcasm in his voice.

Chanyeol is also sitting upright now, legs folded. “So, they’ll be together again and he will never be mi–”

“I’m sorry for saying this. But, Kyungsoo isn’t yours to begin with, alright?” Immediately after saying this, Jongdae bites his lower lip, guilt seeping through him.

Chanyeol looks at him with his puppy eyes before ducking his head and averting his gaze.

There’s a small pang in Chanyeol’s chest, waiting to spread all throughout his whole chest. Sure, he knows that. He’s aware. He’s okay. He has heard this many times.

“Look, I’m sorry.” Jongdae adds, his guilt eating him up. “But it’s already frustrating to see you all these years with your hopeless crush on him. Don’t you think it’s really time to stop?”

Chanyeol understands Jongdae’s sentiments. After all, he’s Chanyeol’s confidant. He knows all the stupid things Chanyeol has done for Kyungsoo. And he gets that his friend is just worried.

“You know what, get up. Let’s just drink our guts out. You can drink whatever you want. I’ll pay.” Chanyeol announces, leaving his bed and standing before Jongdae, finally removing the comforter Jongdae is in.

Jongdae’s eyebrows meet and he gazes at him questioningly.

Chanyeol pulls his arm, asking him to get up. Jongdae sighs, surrendering to his friend’s request. “Fine.”

  


He has a bad feeling about this.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Why did we agree to go to Busan again, Jongdae?” Chanyeol asks, a little tipsy. The tips of his ears are already red, and his body is getting hot from all the alcohol he has consumed. There are a couple of beers untouched and he is determined to finish them all.

The two found themselves in _The Eve_ again, satisfied with Minseok’s service and his bar. Only few customers were found drinking there, because it was still almost two in the afternoon and most tourists would roam around the island to get henna tattoos or just listen to indie bands currently playing on stage.

Minseok attended to them worriedly when Chanyeol ordered another five bottles, since he quickly downed four bottles prior. Chanyeol just wants to drown himself with alcohol and no one can stop him, well, not even the owner of this bar. Minseok is hesitant to give Chanyeol what he wants, worried that his customer might end up vomiting with how fast he’s downing the alcohol. But Chanyeol is persistent, saying that _he’s okay and he’s not a lightweight,_ that he has no choice but to give in.

“It’s because you’re a masochist, and you’re the one who begged me to go here, you dumbass.” On the other hand, Jongdae is close to being knocked out too, with him being so chatty and whiny and it’s increasing by the second. But to be honest, it seems like Chanyeol is more drunk than he is. Ugh, he should never agree to Chanyeol’s requests again.

“If I had known that this is an opportunity to have my heart broken again, I wouldn’t have come here.” Chanyeol buries his face on forearms, making a makeshift pillow with his arm.

“As if you’d be able to say no to Kyungsoo.” He cackles, like he just made the funniest joke in the planet. He shakes Chanyeol’s arms and says, “Hey, don’t sleep on me, you bastard.”

Chanyeol laughs back. He straightens up, looking lazily at Jongdae. “I’m impossible, aren’t I? A hopeless romantic. A guy stuck in the friendzone. You could actually make a meme out of me, Jongdae.” _Sure. Sure, that would be funny._

“You are. But it’s not like–”

Chanyeol suddenly feels everything has come to a stop, his drowsiness ebbing, when his sight goes past Jongdae, his full attention on the background, which is the beach. There are not so many people swimming, but he specifically spots two familiar figures near the shore. He blinks twice.

The taller of the two is laughing soundly while running towards the waves like a child, and running back when the waves return to the shore. The other is attentively shooting the taller with his camera, following his every move. From an outside perspective, it appears to be a lowkey music video filming, minus all the reflectors and other expensive equipment.

After a while, the latter signals the taller to stop with what he was doing and claws at him to come closer. The taller runs to him. He shows him on what he assumed as the footage and they watch it together.

After that, the taller beams and wraps his arm around the other’s waist. He leans closer so that their foreheads would be pressing together. In that position, the videographer’s face was hidden and only their backs are visible. The taller turns to the other and Chanyeol sees the taller’s lips moving, like he’s whispering something. They are laughing again, until the taller closes the distance between them and kisses him on the lips. It’s a very intimate moment and he feels bad for witnessing it. He feels like he’s intruding so he looks away.

His head throbs and his throat gets dry. His heart feels like it’s being pricked by needles. It hurts.

Jongdae notices his friend’s passiveness. “Yeol. Did you hear what I said? Yeol, what are you looking at- Hey!” He tries to catch his attention but to no avail.

He finds what Chanyeol is looking at and he gasps in shock. He sobers at the sight.

 

It’s Kyungsoo and Baekhyun at the shore.

  
_Baekhyun is kissing Kyungsoo._

“Chanyeol, are you all right?” He worriedly turns to his friend, hand finding Chanyeol’s back. In no time, his friend’s attention is back on the bottles of beer in front of them and is already opening the remaining five he just ordered.

Chanyeol’s face is grim and sullen, like there’s a huge black cloud on top of his head.

“Bottoms up, Dae.” Then, he chugs the newly-opened beer like there’s no tomorrow.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Before Kyungsoo went on this trip, Baekhyun actually requested him to help him film some footages which Baekhyun could use for an audition clip that he’d been working on. Baekhyun suggested that they do it in the beach and said that it was the perfect opportunity, since the beach complemented the song that he had composed, which was something light and optimistic.

Kyungsoo brought his equipment with him and started filming Baekhyun by the shore, the next afternoon after he and Chanyeol performed as a duo. They had actually finished it quite smoothly, since Baekhyun is a natural, and a charmer at that, so he didn’t have any problems directing Baekhyun what to do, or even how to act. He’s already quite an expert to that, and well, he really does know how to put that face to use.

When they finish the task, he lets Baekhyun review the clips, and check if there’s anything that should be added. Or if it satisfies him already.

Baekhyun steps closer and peeks at the camera that he’s holding. He then snakes his arm on Kyungsoo, and presses their heads together, like the clingy person Baekhyun is.

He mutters some side comments about how funny he looked in some parts of the video, which made Kyungsoo laugh.

Things make a bad turn though, because something Kyungsoo didn’t expect happens, and it is in the form of a pair of lips covering his.

“What was that?” He asks, pushing Baekhyun forcefully away from him. He looks around him, a bit scandalized, checking if someone saw them.

“I was just making sure,” says Baekhyun, lips curving amusingly.

“Making sure about what?” Kyungsoo pushes further, intrigued by Baekhyun’s answer.

“If I still wanted this. If I still wanted you.” Baekhyun shrugs, replying nonchalantly.

“And?”

“I don’t.” Baekhyun confesses. “The kiss didn’t make me feel anything.”

Kyungsoo softly punches him in the gut. “You’re crazy, I’m not someone whom you can experiment your weird antics with.”

“That hurts, you know!” The other man winces dramatically. “At least now I can say I’m over you.”

Kyungsoo is rendered speechless, eyes blinking owlishly.

“What?” He probes, a teasing smirk on his lips. “I don’t think it’s going to be a problem, anyway, since you have someone you like now.”

Kyungsoo becomes flustered.

Baekhyun lets out an amusing laugh. “It’s true, isn’t it?”

Kyungsoo didn’t argue nor deny anything. “Shut up or else I’ll punch you again.”

Baekhyun just snorts. “I don’t see why you need to deny, it’s not like Chanyeol doesn’t like you back.”

“Are you seriously not going to stop? I swear, I’m going to kill you.” Kyungsoo grits, his face reddening.

 _All bark but no bite,_ Baekhyun knows this, so he just laughs even louder and taunt a flustered Kyungsoo in the background. Anyway, the truth is known to all, except Chanyeol and Kyungsoo themselves.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Three hours later, Jongdae contacts Kyungsoo and asks for help. Chanyeol has been really whiny and he’s so wasted that he doesn’t know what else to do than to contact his other friend and call for backup. He knew he shouldn’t have, not when he and Chanyeol witnessed Kyungsoo’s little ‘episode’ with Baekhyun, but doesn’t know anyone else that could help him. It would be too embarrassing to ask help from Minseok, since they’re mere acquaintances. So he does what he has to do.

Chanyeol has already been sleeping, his head resting on the table, surrounded by all the finished bottles of beer when Kyungsoo arrives at the pub. Jongdae is also admittedly drunk, but he can still handle himself unlike Chanyeol. Jongdae shakes Chanyeol awake, rather exaggeratedly, so that they can go back to their room now.

Chanyeol groans and makes a sound of annoyance, eyebrows already scrunched. He sobers up and becomes even more annoyed when he sees Kyungsoo standing between him and Jongdae.

“What are you doing here?” Chanyeol glares at Kyungsoo who has his arms folded, equally annoyed at how drunk Chanyeol is.

“Why did you drink so much? Stand up now so that we can go to our room.” Kyungsoo tsks and touches his arm to assist him but Chanyeol slaps his hand away. Even Jongdae gets surprised by how Chanyeol is acting.

“I don’t need your help.” He stands up on his own but his legs are so wobbly, that he’s close to falling. Kyungsoo swiftly supports him by using his upper body to prevent him from falling. Consequently, upon realizing that Kyungsoo has helped him, Chanyeol disentangles himself from him. He glares at Kyungsoo again before pulling Jongdae by the arm. “Come on, Jongdae, let’s go.”

Kyungsoo could only watch the two from behind as they walk away, rather clumsily, from the pub. He sighs, before following the two back to their room.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Chanyeol wakes up from his slumber when he hears someone talking on the phone. He knows it’s Kyungsoo from the sound of his voice. His head throbs upon being reminded of what happened, and to say that he’s hurt is an understatement. He is shattered.

He leans on the headboard and places his back there to sit upright. His cellphone is on the coffee table and he flicks it open to look at the time. It reads two in the morning. He must’ve been sleeping for long.

He slowly massages his head, before quietly watching Kyungsoo’s figure, walk back and forth while speaking to someone on the phone.

“Yes, I took them here now. He’s sleeping, yeah. Thanks. Bye.” Kyungsoo presses the end call, and pushes his cellphone on his front pocket. By this time, he recognizes Chanyeol’s presence. The creases on his forehead vanish, his facial features softening when he sees Chanyeol’s confused face.

“Was that Baekhyun?” Chanyeol croaks, voice still sleep-laden.

“Yeah. He was worried about you. Why did you drink so much?” Kyungsoo disappears to get a plastic bag on the small kitchen table and re-emerges with a bottled water and an aspirin which he hands to Chanyeol. “Here, drink this.”

Chanyeol mumbles a soft, “Thanks.” before quickly swallowing the tablet and gulping some water.

There is a pregnant silence, with Kyungsoo waiting for Chanyeol to settle down. After that, Chanyeol decided to break the ice.

  


“I– Why didn’t you tell me about Baekhyun?” The question has been lodged in his throat from the beginning of the trip, and he just finds it in himself bring it up now. Chanyeol stares at his hands. He cannot look at his best friend directly.

“I thought it wasn’t important. It was something in the past.” He brushes it off. Kyungsoo plops down on the chair beside the coffee table.

“Was he really?” says Chanyeol, voice sounding small, unable to believe Kyungsoo’s answer. He wants to argue that he saw him and Kyungsoo kissing, but how does he even explain that?

He balls his hand into a fist under the comforter and resists himself.

“It wasn’t a big deal, Yeol. We’re just old friends.” He says reassuringly.

“Didn’t you date before? Heard from Baekhyun.”

Kyungsoo nods. “We did.”

It has taken him this far, and he isn’t sure if he will muster the same amount of courage if he doesn’t ask him this question now. “Are you back together?”

He anticipates Kyungsoo’s denial, his explanation that this is all a huge misunderstanding and that they’re just old friends who needed each other for this music fest and all that shit but it doesn’t come.

Kyungsoo doesn’t answer.

There, maybe that’s the answer that he’s been waiting for.

“I see.” He exhales audibly, finally releasing the breath he didn’t know he kept. He should be sad, and dejected but instead he’s mad. He’s fuming.

He’s mad that Kyungsoo couldn’t even at least be honest with him. What was that kiss for then? What does that mean? He wanted to hear it directly from Kyungsoo’s mouth that he is dating Baekhyun, but he can’t even do it.

“What are we doing here then?” Chanyeol asks, visibly upset.

“Wha– I don’t understand.” Kyungsoo sports a confused expression. He knows there’s a weird tension building up, but he cannot comprehend why.

“No, let me phrase it properly. Why did you really invite Jongdae and I here?” Chanyeol asks again, but Kyungsoo is yet to follow where this is all heading.

“What kind of question is that? It’s because you’re my friends! And I want to be with you in an event..”

Kyungsoo’s answer makes Chanyeol lash out. “Friends? Are you sure you wanted friends instead of chaperones? Because I’m pretty sure we’ve been nothing but your chaperones since we got here. And besides, you’re too old to need us here, since you’ve made big advances yourself!”

“Do you really hear yourself right now?” Kyungsoo snaps back, facepalming himself. Chanyeol’s tone irked Kyungsoo, because for all he knows, he didn’t even do something that could’ve made him snap like that. “I don’t understand why you’re being petty and stupid!”

“Stupid? Yeah, I’m stupid. Probably the stupidest person on the planet. Because I agreed to go here with you and witness your love story with your old friend unfold! Aren’t we just your spectators? Because now, that is stupid!” He blurts out, his tone rising.

“Why is my love life such a big deal to you?” He exclaims. This is so frustrating, he doesn’t have any idea why they’re having an argument over something so lame. “What the fuck is your problem!”

“You’re my problem! I can’t believe how selfish you are!”

A short bitter laughter leaves Kyungsoo’s lips. “Selfish? Wow.” He glares at Chanyeol. “Fuck you! All I did was invite you here and I get accused of being selfish?”

“But it’s true! You just drag us here, flirt with your old boy toy and don’t give a fuck about what we’d feel! About what I’d feel!” Chanyeol yells, accusation after accusation threatening to fall out of his lips. He’s had enough of Kyungsoo’s obliviousness.

“You’re such a child!” Kyungsoo yells back, anger rising in his chest. “Why would you call Baekhyun my boy toy when you don’t even know anything about us? Let me just remind you, that even if you’re my best friend, that doesn’t give you the right to be rude!”

“There! Finally! The truth came out from your mouth! Great!” Chanyeol is shaking in anger, and his eyes are officially getting teary. _So that is how Kyungsoo feels about me all this time._ “I am just your best friend… Of course. I can’t believe I expected that I can be more than that!”

Silence.

They get both surprised with Chanyeol’s outburst, the implication of his words slowly gets digested by Kyungsoo.

“You know what, this is so foolish.” Kyungsoo heaves a deep sigh, sounding worn out from their argument. He has always been the one who can control himself better.

“Just.. just talk to me when you’ve already put some sense into your head,” says Kyungsoo, before leaving Chanyeol alone in the room.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When Kyungsoo leaves, Chanyeol is left staring at his hands, recounting what happened. He knew he was too much, spitting nonsense to the point of enraging Kyungsoo and having him walk out of the room. But he’s hurt. Terribly hurt by what he saw. Just imagine all those years of secretly pining over your best friend. All those years of hopes that he might like you back. The questions about his hugs, his fleeting touches. All those kept him awake during most nights, wondering, hoping that they meant something else. But now that Kyungsoo has someone else, before he can even say he loves him… It is something beyond what he imagined.

Kyungsoo returns to their shared room a little after an hour, after he has cooled his head outside. He went for a walk alone, just to ease the tension between them and to think. He isn’t expecting to see Chanyeol still awake. And to add, sobbing.

“Yeol?” He calls out. Kyungsoo slowly tilts his head to get a good look at Chanyeol, who is still in bed where he left him. His face is buried in his hands. There are soft sniffing sounds and Kyungsoo gets prompted to sit at the edge of the bed to get closer to Chanyeol.

“Kyungsoo,” he manages to say in between his sobs. “I’m sorry.” Fights with Kyungsoo are the worst and he just wants this to end.

“Hey. It’s okay.” Kyungsoo whispers. He reaches for Chanyeol’s wrists and stops him from covering his face. “You should breathe.” Chanyeol’s eyes are puffy and red and his cheeks are tear-streaked. It bothers Kyungsoo a little that he’s the reason why Chanyeol is an emotional mess right now, even if he doesn’t exactly know why.

Kyungsoo gently wipes the tears away from Chanyeol’s cheeks, “Hey, try to calm down.” He ruffles Chanyeol’s hair and runs his hand through his hair consequently like how Chanyeol wants it. “It’s okay.” Kyungsoo kept on repeating this, until Chanyeol’s breathing becomes normal.

When he has already composed himself, Chanyeol braves and reaches for Kyungsoo’s hands and wraps his around Kyungsoo’s own. He fixes his gaze on Kyungsoo, determined to maintain an eye contact.

He takes a deep breath. It’s time. _It’s now or never._

“Kyungsoo, I love you. I have… for seven years now.” His voice came out rough, especially since he has just been crying. His throat tightens.

It’s finally out in the open. He said it. He should be happy, but his nerves are killing him because Kyungsoo has yet to reply.

He is expecting maybe a fond smile from Kyungsoo or something else, maybe a chuckle, or a rejection or anything - but there’s none.

There’s only silence.

Silence. And it is so overbearing. Kyungsoo continues staring at Chanyeol, exploringly - from his eyes, down to his lips. He doesn’t know how to react, he wanted to say something but nothing comes out from his mouth.

“I love you...and it pains me so much because I know it won’t ever be reciprocated.” Chanyeol continues, voice breaking. Just like how broken he is right now. There are tears threatening to fall off Chanyeol’s eyes, his eye sight blurring from the tears.

Kyungsoo is at a loss. He has a sympathetic look on his face and it’s making Chanyeol’s stomach twist, because he doesn’t want this. He doesn’t want Kyungsoo to pity him. It’s the least thing he wants for him and Kyungsoo.

More silence. The silence is starting to deafen him.

No.

It shouldn’t be like this.

In a matter of seconds, the distance between them was closed, then, a pair of lips covered his.

Kyungsoo kissed him.

His lips are soft, and plump, just like what he had imagined. The kiss is everything he has dreamed of, it’s soft and warm and amazing, yet it’s only brief. Because in the middle of it, his eyes widen, and Chanyeol finally comes into his senses. Chanyeol’s brain just has to remind him about what just transpired.

And this is clearly wrong. Everything is wrong.

Chanyeol is the first to push him away because he realizes the implication of the kiss. Surprise is painted on Kyungsoo’s face, his thick brows furrowing.

He feels sick. Something is lurching in his stomach. He dreads what is going to happen next.

“Yeol,” Kyungsoo finally utters. “We’re okay as friends, right? Nothing has to change. I don’t want anything to change between us.”

Chanyeol’s face contorts into a pained expression and he frowns. Kyungsoo’s gesture finally making sense.

It is devastating.

Kyungsoo kissed him not because he loves him.

The kiss is not out of love, it is out of pity.

His face darkens, this - everything - is just too much.

“You’re the worst.” He grits, before storming out of the room and leaving Kyungsoo alone.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Chanyeol took an early morning trip back to Seoul. Supposedly, they were still to stay in Busan until the evening, but with the way things had turned out, he deemed it rational to go back earlier than planned. After storming out the room, he texted Jongdae and whipped out an excuse that there was an emergency at home, and asked his friend to just take his things back home. It would be too much of a hassle to go back to their shared room and actually face Kyungsoo again, especially with what had happened.

Rejection is rejection, and it stings.

On his way back home, the scenes just keep on repeating in his head and Kyungsoo’s words just keep on echoing, like some sort of a mantra. But instead of motivating him, it pulls him down. He wanted nothing but to make it stop. If only there’s a button that he can press to make it stop, he may have pushed it so many times already.

He has come to realize how so many things have transpired in just a matter of days – Baekhyun; the performance; his big fight with Kyungsoo, and the kiss.

The kiss, the first kiss that he has shared with Kyungsoo.

There’s nothing like that kiss. It was a mere touch of lips, but he felt different. Maybe it’s because he’s wanted it for so long, and that it’s Kyungsoo whom he shared it with that makes it quite special. Though, Chanyeol can’t argue the fact that what may be special for him isn’t probably the same as what Kyungsoo thinks.

Especially when Kyungsoo has made himself clear – he wanted things to stay the same. He wanted to remain friends.

No matter how one looks at it, it’s rejection. And he would know, because he said the same thing to girls before, girls who confessed their feelings to him when they were in high school. It was a way of easing the blow, and was meant to appease the person but Chanyeol never felt that effect. In a way, it has maybe severed the pain he is experiencing, because friends don’t kiss and then expect that things will be the same. It doesn’t work that way. And if it did, it was only temporary and was meant to fall out and backfire.

He can’t exactly say that he didn’t see the rejection coming because he’s sure such thoughts invaded his mind a couple of times already. Kyungsoo has never really hinted anything about liking him in a non-platonic way since the beginning. And he’s told himself that he will not stand a chance. He was okay with that.

Until it happened to him firsthand.

Well, one can say that there’s really no such thing as mentally preparing for the real thing.

Because it hurts, nonetheless.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jongdae arrives at his doorstep the following day with his belongings. He’s a little sun-kissed now, and should he say, he looks exhausted. Immediately after barging into Chanyeol’s apartment, Jongdae situates himself in his sofa and goes on a long rant about how that trip sucked the hell out of his energy. He says nothing about Chanyeol’s episode, aka him leaving earlier than planned, but he focuses on telling Chanyeol about Kyungsoo’s mood when they were driving back to Seoul. Also, he mentions the fact that Baekhyun joined them all the way back.

He said Kyungsoo was extremely quiet, and despite Baekhyun being there with them trying to lighten up the atmosphere, Kyungsoo would just nod then focus his eyes on the road. He was practically lifeless. He didn’t even bother to turn on the radio for some music.

In no time, Baekhyun actually gave up in trying to evoke any sort of reaction from Kyungsoo with his silly stories and remained silent for the rest of the ride. He quietly watched videos on his phone, softly chucking here and there. The whole ride was too boring, and insufferable.

Surprisingly, Jongdae didn’t pry about what happened with Chanyeol. He just said something about things going differently if maybe Chanyeol were there in the car with them since he always makes jokes that make Kyungsoo laugh.

In a way, he’s glad, because he’s not yet ready to give him the details.

He and Jongdae play Overwatch for an hour or two before he decides to leave, saying something about running an errand for his mom.

However, when he’s about to head for the door, Jongdae stares at him like he’s a fragile thing, and places his hand on his shoulder blade. “Chanyeol, is everything fine?” He asks worriedly.

He shakes his head vehemently, “Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?” He tugs his lips up to form a timid smile, and laughs fakingly, so that Jongdae wouldn’t suspect anything.

The wound is still fresh, and there’s no way he’s going to touch it.

“You can talk to me about anything, okay?” He gives him a worried glance, before heading for the door.

He sure will. But definitely not anytime soon.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The days eventually jumped and went by quickly, and before they know it, it’s graduation season. The day of sowing all the hard work he’s exerted in college. It’s a commemoration of all the students’ hardwork and effort. He, along with his batchmates, has long awaited this event.

In retrospect, a week before graduation, he actually received several texts, all week, from Kyungsoo, asking about how he is, or if they can talk, to which he all ignored. He and Kyungsoo still haven’t talked since their confrontation in Busan, and he still doesn’t find it in him to reply.

Just let it be, eventually, he will be tired.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Congratulations, Chanyeol-ah!” A bouquet of roses is handed into him. He sniffs the roses before moving closer to envelope Kyungsoo’s mom in a hug. As expected, Kyungsoo is not with her.

“Wow, mom. Thank you! You shouldn’t have given me anything.” Chanyeol politely puts his arm on her shoulder. As much as he needs to distance himself from Kyungsoo, he doesn’t have the heart to ignore Kyungsoo’s mother. Not when she went the extra mile of finding him among the sea of students, and even bringing him a bouquet as a congratulatory present.

“Come on, it’s nothing. Thank you for taking care of Kyungsoo, until now.” She beams, eyes crinkling. Kyungsoo really has her eyes and smile.

_Okay, so Kyungsoo didn’t mention about their fight to his mother._

“It’s my duty as his best friend.” He replies, reciprocating the smile she gave her.

“Still, thank you, Chanyeol-ah.” She coos. She envelopes her hand on his and shakes it. “Come and visit me in our house, okay? At least before Kyungsoo goes to law school. I’ll cook some kimchi spaghetti for you.”

“Law school?” He is utterly clueless. Kyungsoo’s mom gasps in surprise.

“What? Didn’t Kyungsoo tell you? I thought he already did. He got accepted in Seoul National University just this month. We’ve always wanted him to go after his dad. He’ll start in late August.”

He freezes, unable to move from her hold. Just what more has he been keeping from him?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The graduation ceremony has just ended and the other students gather to take pictures with their classmates, or to pose by the stage with their respective families. Chanyeol is about to look for his mom and sister when Kyungsoo finds him, and locks eyes with him.

He knows that look. It is never a good look on Kyungsoo, but now is not the time to crumble and let his emotions get the best of him. “Yeol.” Kyungsoo steps closer to him, desperately trying to get hold of his attention. He holds his graduation cap close to his chest.

Chanyeol nods in his direction. “Congrats on your admission, Director Do… or should I say, Attorney Do?” says Chanyeol as cold as he could, when Kyungsoo appeared before him. He doesn’t smile.

Kyungsoo, on the other hand, flushes. He looked sorry and embarrassed, because he’s been exposed. But Chanyeol isn’t buying it. He’s mad and hurt. He wanted him to feel that.

“I was supposed to tell you.” Kyungsoo argues, attempting to alleviate Chanyeol’s anger... or is it indifference?

“But you didn’t.” He says curtly. “Anyway, it’s fine. It’s none of my business anyway, right?” He tries his best to mask the surge of feelings in his chest because it’s just...so unfair.

He takes it as the cue to leave, but not too long because Kyungsoo managed to catch and tighten his hold on Chanyeol’s wrist. “Yeol, about what happened in Busan… I’m sorry.” He doesn’t want Kyungsoo to bring that up. He never wanted to talk about it again. He wants to bury that painful memory in the past.

He snaps. “Why do you keep on apologizing? It was never your fault that you don’t love me, to begin with.”

Kyungsoo is stumped. A look of surprise flashed on Kyungsoo’s face before turning into guilt. His lips curve downwards. “Don’t say that. You know you’re important to me.” He declares.

“It doesn’t seem like that to me.” He laughs sardonically. “Good luck on law school.” Kyungsoo purses his lips, his eyes getting teary. This felt like the end of their friendship.

Chanyeol sees the look on Kyungsoo’s face but he doesn’t do anything.

Sure, let it end.

He isn’t the one who put a strain on their relationship first, anyway.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He receives an email regarding his acceptance to SM Entertainment two months after graduation. It’s the best news he’s heard so far. The email states that they are in dire need of a junior producer who can lend help in finishing an album of a solo artist, and after seeing Chanyeol’s resume, they deemed him perfect for the position. Chanyeol responded rather enthusiastically, accepting the job offer and promising to report to SM on the agreed date.

He has already been reporting to the company for two weeks when he and Baekhyun meet by chance in the elevator, going to the recording room. He is hesitant to greet him first, but it seems like Baekhyun reads his mind, and decides to take the initiative.

“Chanyeol?” His hair has been dyed pink now, and his body’s a bit buff, but apart from that, Baekhyun still looks the same. It’s a surprise to see him there, because it’s been months since they last saw each other. Chanyeol squirms in his position.

“Hey.” He manages to say.

“What are you doing here?” Baekhyun asks curiously.

“I work here now? They called me last week, saying they’re lacking a team member for an album of a solo artist.” He explains, hand mussing his hair. He’s surprisingly nervous, and he doesn’t understand why he’s feeling that way.

Baekhyun laughs.

“What’s so funny?” asks Chanyeol, clueless about what’s going inside Baekhyun’s head.

“Looks like our paths have crossed again.” He smirks. “Let’s work hard together, then?”

“Don’t tell me it’s your album?” says Chanyeol, looking weirded out about how odd everything is. _What a funny twist of fate._

“Who do you think would it be? Welcome to the team, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun cheers, excitement evident in his voice.

Before he can even respond, the elevator dings, and Baekhyun exits it, leaving Chanyeol with his thoughts.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He eventually knew about the set-up and the album concept of Baekhyun’s album the week after their accidental meet up the succeeding week through his senior, Donghae. Donghae was put in charge for the songs in Baekhyun’s full-length album, and urged Chanyeol to send him some of his best compositions. It was never mentioned, however, that Baekhyun would actively participate in his album making. That’s why Chanyeol was brimming with nervousness when Baekhyun requested to listen to the songs and help in the selection process. Donghae volunteered his compositions to be scrutinized first. He was floored.

“Did you compose these?” Baekhyun finally asks. He’s been awfully quiet while listening to the songs. It doesn’t help with Chanyeol’s nervousness.

“Um, yeah. Uh...Sorry, my voice sucks.” He clears his throat. “Please bear with it. Anyway, I’ll have someone else sing the vocal guides if you ever chose something out of the pool.”

“What are you saying? It’s amazing!” says Baekhyun. “I love the deep timbre of your voice.”

“But?” Chanyeol breathes. “I could sense a ‘but’ coming up.”

“But… this is sad as fuck, Chanyeol. The lyrics are so sad.” He frowns. Chanyeol flinches in his seat. “The concept for my solo album is _Blooming Days_ , which speaks of the start of a love story. Or maybe something pure like first love, not some unrequited love bullshit.”

“Um.” _Oh my god. Please just bury him right now. This is so embarrassing._

“Don’t tell me you’re having a phase right now?”

“No. Um. This is uh- based from a friend’s experience and I was just so affected that I- um- I wrote it for him.” He reasons out. Chanyeol has always been a bad liar. Baekhyun has figured that out.

“Uh-huh.” Baekhyun gives him a funny look, like he’s not buying Chanyeol’s bullshit.

“I-I um, still have a couple of songs I could show you, if you want to.” He grips hard on the arm of his office chair.

“Do that, please.” says Baekhyun. Chanyeol nods in agreement. He sighs in relief.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He never really internalized how much he has been ignoring and dodging every text message until he sees the series of text messages that Kyungsoo has sent him, over the weeks. It has piled up already. But Kyungsoo has been religiously sending him text messages, patiently waiting for him to reply. Chanyeol still doesn’t open the messages.

It was never Kyungsoo’s nature to do this, much less send a barrage of text messages for him, so he’s having mixed feelings. Just.. everything about him is complicated. And he’s not ready to forgive him yet.

**soo 07:03 am**

Hey.

**soo 07:04 am**

How are you?

**soo 03:02 am**

Law school is tough. I’m barely surviving... Have you heard from SM Entertainment yet?

**soo 4:05 pm**

This cafe where I am studying at is blasting Ed Sheeran. I thought of you.

**soo 08:02 pm**

Do you think we can meet?

**soo 08:41 am**

I would understand if you can’t, but promise me that you’re healthy, and eating well.

**soo 09:10 pm**

Don’t rely too much on energy drinks, okay?

**soo 01:31 am**

I’m worried about you.

**soo 02:00 am**

Chanyeol.

**soo 03:01 am**

I’m sorry.

**soo 04:01 am**

I miss you.

 

His vision suddenly becomes blurred and before he knows it, there are hot tears cascading on his cheeks. Why can’t everything just be simple? He willed himself to actually move on, and he believed that he’s been doing a great job at that, but this has proven otherwise.

He wipes the tears on his cheeks, and he promises himself that that’s the last time he’ll cry.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Really, Jongdae? _Game of Thrones?_ ” He peeks at what Jongdae is watching on his cellphone. He catches the sight of the infamous pixie-haired woman naked on the screen. Without a doubt, it’s Cersei Lannister doing her famous walk of shame.

“What? Is it wrong to watch it now?” Jongdae snarls at him.

Chanyeol huffs in annoyance. “I’ve been telling you to watch it since forever and you just decided to do that now? What made you change your mind?”

“Well, Kyungsoo gave me a copy of the series.” Chanyeol tenses upon hearing Kyungsoo’s name. Jongdae must have sensed it because he heaved a deep sigh.

“You could’ve asked me instead. I have the complete series.” It was pretty childish of him. He sounds a bit butthurt… and jealous.

“For starters, I recently saw him, and he basically spoiled the first half of the season one, so I said, fuck it and just copied everything. It wasn’t because of anything else, you know,” says Jongdae, rather dejectedly.

He stops the video he’s watching to look at Chanyeol. “If you’re thinking about me taking his side, that wasn’t the case. I didn’t even know the reason for your fight. But, look, Yeol. You can’t escape him forever.”

“It’s not that. I’m just... still not ready to talk to him.” He reasons out. He’s still uncomfortable about touching the issue of his rejection.

“He wants to patch things up with you. He keeps on asking about you and I don’t know what to answer anymore. It’s always the same reply I give him, that you’re busy,” Jongdae suggests. “Why don’t you just reconcile and deal with it like actual adults?”

“Do you actually think I don’t think about him? At all? I do. I still do everyday. But this isn’t something that could be fixed fast.” There’s fondness and hurt in Chanyeol’s eyes. It’s not at all easy to forget one’s feelings, more so, forget someone who has made quite a mark in one’s life.

“I don’t understand. You’re best friends. I’m sure you can overcome this.”

“Do you know what happened in Busan? I confessed. And he kissed me, Dae. He kissed me! He told me he doesn’t want anything to change between us. What am I supposed to feel?”

He inhales. The feelings are all coming back to him. Hurt. Rejection. “Of course, I was angry. Knowing that the kiss meant nothing to him. And he was just being nice.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know anything. Kyungsoo didn’t tell me anything. He never spoke about it. But I felt something was off between you two. There was a tension, and Kyungsoo isn’t being subtle about it, either.” Jongdae frowns sympathetically, concern evident on his face.

“No, it’s okay.” He reassures him, a wary smile on his lips. “I needed to distance myself, I just- It felt like the right thing to do. Don’t get me wrong, I still think about him a lot, he’s always in my mind, but. I need to heal myself too, right?”

“Yeah. Take all the time you need. You owe yourself that.” Jongdae sighs, giving Chanyeol a soft pat on the back. “I’m here for you, alright?”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When Baekhyun mentioned to him and Donghae that he’s going to bring a friend to the studio, he didn’t expect that it would be Kyungsoo. He was very much aware of Baekhyun’s large network, with him being a social butterfly, but he was surprised at Kyungsoo’s appearance at his workplace. After all, didn’t he give up his dream in SM Entertainment? Plus, wasn’t he just busy with school work? Chanyeol was cut off from his thoughts when Baekhyun barges in the room with Kyungsoo.

“Donghae hyung, this is my friend, Kyungsoo. You remember him, right?” Chanyeol glances at him from where he’s sitting. It’s almost like nothing has changed through the months. It’s the same plush lips, bushy eyebrows, and plump cheeks. Though, he trimmed his hair now, and he’s wearing his thick rimmed eyeglasses. His heart aches. He’s still good looking as ever. More professional looking.

Chanyeol thinks his brain is tricking him because he caught Kyungsoo staring at him. He averts his gaze.

“Of course! He’s the guy who sang Melody by Tamaki Koji! I still remember very well, that was one of the best audition pieces I’ve heard.” Donghae says, impressed.

“You see, Chanyeol, Kyungsoo sang it for his audition here at SM, and made quite an impression with the panel. I think up until now, it’s being used as an example to trainees.” Baekhyun explains.

“Oh.” Chanyeol doesn’t know what else to say.

“But what are you doing now, Kyungsoo, then? Are you some kind of a vocal trainer or something?” It was Donghae’s turn to ask.

“Lawyer. Studying to become a lawyer,” says Kyungsoo dryly.

“Wow, quite the contrast.”

“Yeah, but, I try to involve myself with music on my free time.” A small smile grazed his lips.

“That’s impressive, though, not letting go of your passion.” Donghae smiles fondly.

“Er… Guys,” Baekhyun intervenes. “I will just show Kyungsoo around the building, we’ll be back later. If it’s okay with you Donghae hyung, I want to let Kyungsoo hear some of our tracks.”

“Yeah, sure. See you later, then!” Donghae salutes at the two figures scrambling to leave for the door.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Not that he was counting, but it’s been past seven in the evening when Kyungsoo returns to the recording room. He is a little preoccupied with the track that he’s editing that he missed the way Baekhyun dragged a confused Donghae out of the recording room to give Kyungsoo and Chanyeol their well-needed privacy.

When he removes his headphones from his ears, he notices a quiet Kyungsoo fiddling with his phone, sitting on the sofa behind him. “Hey. Um.” It’s so awkward doing this, after not talking for so long. “Where’s everybody?”

Kyungsoo looks up from his phone. There’s something indescribable in his eyes, like longing and so much more. “They went out to eat.” He pockets his phone.

“Oh.” He says out loud.

The atmosphere is getting awkward, so Kyungsoo decides to ask him, “How are you, Chanyeol?” It’s so ridiculous to hear it from Kyungsoo, but a man can play along.

“I’m fine.” He briefly replies. _Of course, he isn’t._

“I knew you would get in SM. Congrats. I’m really happy for you.” He briefly gives him a tight-lipped smile.

Kyungsoo clears his throat. “Uh. About the album. Is it alright if I listen to the tracks you’re working on?”

Chanyeol nods, shrugging his shoulders. “Um. Okay. Here, use this.” He hands him the headphones he’s previously used. He plays the track that he’s edited before Kyungsoo came in.

He shouldn’t care about his reaction, and there’s no reason for him to be conscious of him. But then, Kyungsoo closed his eyes while listening and… suddenly, it got him anxious. What if it’s a bad song? What if Kyungsoo asks him about the lyrics?

_What if Kyungsoo sees through him?_

“Chanyeol.” He mutters, after a long silence. “Is this about me?” His voice cracks, and it’s almost unbelievable. “Is this about us?” His voice sounds frail and broken. There’s a hint of uncertainty, and something else that he cannot pinpoint.

He hates that Kyungsoo is always right about things, even with this. “Stop getting ahead of yourself. I’m over you,” he denies. He will never let his resolve crumble before him.

Kyungsoo squeezes his eyes shut. “Is that why you aren’t replying to my texts? Because you want nothing else to do with me? You wanted to cut ties with me?” He articulates every word slowly, carefully, with an ounce of disbelief.

Kyungsoo stands up from his seat.

Chanyeol didn’t answer. The atmosphere is getting heavier, and he’s finding it hard to breathe. Confrontations should be an adult thing, but after what happened with him and Kyungsoo in Busan, he’s finding it hard to actually confront people about things.

“Chanyeol, what if… maybe I want to...” Kyungsoo whispers, voice almost inaudible. This is Kyungsoo trying, and Chanyeol despised it.

“What are you saying, Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol scowls. He twists his body so that he’s be facing Kyungsoo. Chanyeol’s face is laden with curiosity. He scrunches his eyebrows, expecting Kyungsoo to answer.

“Maybe I want to be with you too.” Kyungsoo replies, with finality in his voice. He looks at him straight in the eyes.

Why?

“That’s selfish.” He accuses. Chanyeol looked hurt, offended even. He wants to bombard Kyungsoo with a lot of questions and make himself clear with his intentions because this doesn’t make sense. He is the first to reject him.

After a pregnant pause, Chanyeol decided to say something again. This. This is just unacceptable. “Why now? Because you’re done with Baekhyun and now you’re alone, you’re clinging to me?” He asked exasperatedly.

“It isn’t like that, Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo denies. “We never worked out.” He tries to explain but Chanyeol is determined not to put up with everything he says.

“I don’t know if I can believe you,” says Chanyeol, head shaking. “I’m not just someone that you cling onto, just because you’re afraid of being alone. I have feelings too. And I wouldn’t– Stop feeling sorry for me.” Chanyeol declares, bent on putting up a wall between him and Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo visibly stiffens.

He balls his hands into a fist, stopping them from trembling. Enough is enough.

He swallows. “Please, Kyungsoo. When you rejected me, I respected your decision. Please respect me too, and just let me move on in peace. It’s the least that you can do.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


January signals the release of Baekhyun’s solo album. The preceding month has been hard and stressful, with the team doing their finishing touches on the tracks. But in the end, all the sleepless nights were all worth it because the songs killed the online chart once it was released. Baekhyun thinks it’s a reason to celebrate so he invites the team for a night out in Gangnam, saying it’s all on him.

The club, Chanyeol notes, is quite private and an expensive one. The interior of the club is well-designed, evident in the sophisticated design. There aren’t much people invited aside from some SM Entertainment employees, and he sighs in relief.

Chanyeol just got into the club but his eyes immediately zoom in on Baekhyun and to his surprise, Jongdae, who are in the middle of the room, talking to other guests.

It does not take long for them to see him. They immediately cut off the small talk with the guests and excuse themselves to walk towards him. Both have smiled upon seeing him.

“Dae! Glad to see you here.” He initiates, greeting his friend whom he has not seen for awhile.

“Hey! You made it.” Jongdae envelops him in a friendly hug. “Congrats on the release!”

“Thanks, man. I didn’t know you would be here.” He says, amusement hanging on his lips.

“Baekhyun invited me.” Chanyeol looks at him questioningly, wanting Baekhyun to elaborate. He knew they have gotten close in Busan, but he isn’t aware that they would be this close to the point of inviting him in a private party.

“Of course, I would invite my boyfriend here.” Baekhyun giggles, before hooking his arm with Jongdae’s, prompting him closer. Jongdae has the audacity to look smug. Baekhyun’s eyes are literally glowing, and Chanyeol groans because it seems like he’s the last to know.

“Shit. Boyfriend?!” He interjects, surprised at this revelation. “Since when did this happen? How could I not know?!”

“Of course you wouldn’t know. You were busy moping and running away from Kyungsoo.” Jongdae smirks, answering for the two of them.

“Oh my god!” Baekhyun exclaims, eyes widening. “Look! Look at him!” He excitedly pats Jongdae’s arm, before pointing to where their other friend is.

“What the fuck happened to him?!” Jongdae gasps.

Chanyeol gets curious, so he follows where the two are looking at.

To all his glory, there Kyungsoo is – walking groggily past the entrance of the bar. There are prominent dark circles under his eyes and he definitely looks thinner now. He is wearing his dark framed specs and long sleeved polo, and his head… his head is shaven.

Chanyeol gasps.

Jongdae’s cheeky laughter echoes throughout the room. It catches Kyungsoo’s attention, and before they know it, he’s walking towards the group.

“Wow, Kyungsoo, have you officially lost your mind? What’s up with the hairstyle?” Jongdae jokes.

Chanyeol wouldn’t deny that he himself is bewildered.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to enlist soon?” Baekhyun suggests, adding into the mock-Kyungsoo-and-never-let-him-live club.

“No, law school stresses me out.” The tips of his ears turn red. Chanyeol remembers the countless texts Kyungsoo has sent him before.

“Who the hell shaves his head because of stress?” Baekhyun says, as he disentangles himself from Jongdae and edges closer to Kyungsoo. He runs his hand through Kyungsoo’s head, clearly amused. Chanyeol wants to do the same action.

“Just Kyungsoo, apparently.” They laughed in unison.

“It looks good on you, though.” Chanyeol butts in, smile making its way on his face.

Kyungsoo surprisingly blushes.

“Thanks.” He shyly says.

Jongdae clears his throat, disrupting the awkwardness in the air. “Anyway, Baekhyun and I are going to get some drinks. You two should catch up with each other.”

  


The moment the two turn their backs on them, Chanyeol clears his throat. He leads them to a table situated in the middle. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah. How are you?” Kyungsoo asks softly.

“I’m great! The album turned out well.” He says, excitedly. “How’s your life?”

“I’m exhausted.” He sighs dejectedly, face contorting into a stressed one.

“You look beat up.” He feels sorry for him. He looks like he finds it hard. And Chanyeol is not even there for him anymore…

“I am,” He rubs his hand through his head in exasperation. “I haven’t slept a wink since last night.”

“What? What are you doing here then?” Chanyeol asks, a hint of worry in his voice. “You should have slept and rested instead of coming here.”

“But I wanted to see you.” He shyly admits, chewing on his lower lip. “Baekhyun told me you’d be here.”

Chanyeol’s cheeks turns red.

“You shouldn’t push yourself like that. Your health is more important.. than…” Than me. Chanyeol stutters, he can’t bring himself to say it.

“Than?” Kyungsoo asks, eyebrows raising. He sounds hopeful.

“Than being here. It shouldn’t work that way.” Chanyeol reasons out.

“It’s fine. You’re more important.” He says unabashedly, staring straight into Chanyeol’s eyes. Kyungsoo is straightforward more often than not, but being straightforward about things like this, is new to him and is causing a weird sensation in Chanyeol’s stomach.

Chanyeol averts his gaze. It’s his turn to feel shy. “Stop being silly. It’s making me feel guilty.”

“Why would you? You didn’t do anything. I was the one who made the decision to come here...”

“But, still—“ He tries to argue.

Kyungsoo’s eyes brighten, an idea popping into his head. “You can make it up to me though.”

“How?”

“How about going on a dinner with me on Thursday?” He compromises.

He bites his lower lip in hesitation. “Thursday?”

Chanyeol checks his phone for the date. _January 12th._ Kyungsoo’s birthday. He wants him to spend his birthday together.

Chanyeol hears Jongdae’s voice in his head telling him to act like an actual adult. It’s normal to celebrate a friend’s birthday. Kyungsoo licks his lips, anticipating his answer.

“I will, if you go home now and get some rest!” He finally says. “You look like you’re going to pass out now.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes sparkle. “You got yourself a deal.”

Later that evening, when Baekhyun and Jongdae appear again before him and ask about Kyungsoo, he tells them Kyungsoo left early because he snagged a date.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The two did have dinner in a French restaurant in Apgujeong a week later. After the dinner, Kyungsoo invited Chanyeol for a _Game of Thrones_ marathon at his apartment, to honor their yearly tradition. They brought a few bottles of soju home, and a pack of Kyungsoo’s favorite nachos.

Before they head to the apartment, Chanyeol mentions that he wouldn’t stay long, and that they should finish the bottles soon enough, but this is not what happens at all.

“I’m supposed to be the one who doesn’t have good alcohol tolerance,” he complains, hands gesturing over the bottles of soju that he and Kyungsoo have drank. “Why did you drink so much?”

In front of them, the TV plays the opening of the famous American series. Kyungsoo hums along. They’ve gone through the second season.

Kyungsoo chuckles. “It’s my birthday! I can do whatever I want!” He sing-songs.

“Sure, you can. But it shouldn’t include you being ass drunk.” He tsks, eyebrows furrowing in disapproval. A drunk Kyungsoo is a happy Kyungsoo.

“I’m just so happy that we’re talking again. You don’t know how much you’ve made me happy.” He hums. Chanyeol surprisingly feels good.

“Thank you, Yeol. It’s the best birthday gift,” says Kyungsoo, before focusing on the show.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


By the time The Rains of Castamere starts playing on the screen, Chanyeol folds his legs and hides his face in between. Kyungsoo fidgets in his seat, but he doesn’t blink. This scene is still as frustrating as ever.

They’re drunk. And emotional. And this.

It’s the _Red Wedding,_ probably the most painful scene in the whole series.

The moment the guard decapitates Catelyn Stark, Kyungsoo is openly sobbing, and Chanyeol looks at him worriedly.

He pauses the video.

They’ve watched this several times already, and he agrees that it’s nothing but heavy, probably one of the most iconic scenes in show but now... He thinks Kyungsoo isn’t crying because of it.

Kyungsoo’s back is arched, arms hugging his legs. Chanyeol edges closer and rubs in hand on Kyungsoo’s back.

“Did you really stop… loving me?” He asks in between his painful sobs.

Chanyeol stops rubbing his back. Kyungsoo looks up and faces him.

“Please don’t say yes… because it’ll hurt. Even now, it hurts.” Kyungsoo thumps his chest. “Right here. It hurts.”

Chanyeol’s throat gets dry. He wants to cry.

“It’s all my fault that I pushed you away. I just wish things were back the way they were before. Back when you loved me.” Kyungsoo continues, tears cascading down his cheeks.

“Kyungsoo, please… stop,” He pleads, inching away from Kyungsoo. “I can’t do this. I’m supposed to be over you.”

“Chanyeol, tell me.” His lower lip trembles. “Have you really stopped loving me?”

Chanyeol stands up and raises his hand. “Stop.” Chanyeol says, tears threatening to fall off his eyes. This is frustrating him even more.

“Please answer me.” Kyungsoo sobs, as he stands in front of Chanyeol.

“The truth is… my feelings haven’t wavered a bit,” he confesses.

There’s a glint of hope in Kyungsoo’s eyes. Meanwhile, Chanyeol looks so broken and conflicted.

“But I’m tired, Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol musses his hair in frustration. “Seven years of following you around and waiting for you to like me back is tiring. I’ve reached the end of the race. This is the dead end.”

Kyungsoo takes a deep breath. He inches closer and cups his cheek. “I love you, Chanyeol. Please believe me this time.”

“I don’t know, Kyungsoo...” His heart beats so fast. His head is telling him that it’s the end but now, his heart is signalling him another thing.

Chanyeol is utterly confused. He shakes his head before taking his things and leaving Kyungsoo’s apartment. “Let’s talk tomorrow, when you’re sober.”

Kyungsoo is left staring at the leaving figure.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Hello?” A gruff voice finally answers, after the fifth ring.

“Dae. You have to help me.” Chanyeol frets over the phone. He arrived a little less than thirty minutes in his apartment and he decided to call Jongdae for help.

“Chanyeol, it’s three in the morning. This better be important.” He sighs in frustration.

“I just came from Kyungsoo’s apartment. We got drunk and… Kyungsoo told me he loves me. And I- I don’t know what to do. I’m confused.” He finishes, panic seeping through his voice.

He had a plan. He was supposed to move on, and forget Kyungsoo. But the whole thing has spiraled into this moment. And he doesn’t know what’s the best thing to do anymore.

“Oh… Yeol.” He sighs for the nth time. Jongdae sounds more awake now. “Well, it’s true. He told me the same thing.”

“He did?” He asks, unable to believe what he just heard.

“I think it’s about time that you iron things out. Talk. Lay it all down.” Jongdae says.

“I don’t know, Dae. I just-” Chanyeol clenches his fist. His chest tightens.

“Okay, tell me what’s holding you back.”

“I was supposed to be over him. But then he claims he loves me and everything just crumbles?” He sniffs, the tears he is fighting, eventually fall on his face.

There is a strain in Chanyeol’s voice.

“He was crying. He was crying while telling me he loves me. And I felt it… that he was being genuine. But I’m scared. I’m scared that maybe this isn’t really for us.”

As much as Chanyeol wants things to be okay, there’s a tiny voice in his head telling him that it might not.

“Chanyeol… you both deserve to be happy, okay?” His friend gently says. “Kyungsoo is scared too. And I think you should overcome the fear together.”

  


Chanyeol hangs up a moment later, determined to fix things with Kyungsoo. It’s true, it’s a risk. Everything’s a risk. But they’re already at this point.

Jongdae is right. They will never know if they won’t try. There’s no other way but to face it, head on... together.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Kyungsoo calls him first thing in the morning to meet up. It’s agreed upon that last night was a mess, a huge emotional mess and it’s better to settle things now, before they end up hurting themselves more. They both agreed to talk in a fancy cafe, somewhere near Kyungsoo’s university.

“Chanyeol–” “Kyungsoo–”

They both utter at the same time. The two men’s eyes widen in surprise, until Kyungsoo gestures for Chanyeol to start.

“Look, Kyungsoo about last night–” He straightens his posture.

“Chanyeol,” He intervenes, giving him an unrelenting stare. “I just want you to know that I meant every word.”

“Why now? I don’t understand what has changed.” Chanyeol says, sipping from his cup of coffee. He wants to know, more so, he wants to hear it straight from Kyungsoo’s mouth.

“That kiss in Busan. That kiss terrified me,” he elucidates. “The kiss made me feel things. A lot of things. And I was afraid that if I lost myself in it, I would risk ruining our friendship.”

Chanyeol inhales.

Kyungsoo takes this moment to put his hands on top of Chanyeol’s. He squeezes it.

“You don’t know how important you are to me. You are a fixed figure in my life, and I was just scared that that moment would ruin what whatever we had, that’s why I said I didn’t want things to change. But, I understand it now. I understand myself better now, and I want this, Chanyeol.”

Kyungsoo is so determined to make him his, more than ever.

Chanyeol’s chest swells. He looks down at their joined hands.

“I want to be with you.” He says softly, a fond look on his face.

There is fondness and affection in Kyungsoo’s eyes. A look he hasn’t seen before.

_He’s in love with him. Kyungsoo is in love with him._

It only sinks in now, yet he panics.

“I- I don’t know what to answer, Kyungsoo. _I still like you,_ don’t get me wrong. But I’m scared... that this thing isn’t meant for us. Or if you don’t want this just as much. Or maybe you’re just confused with your feelings.” Chanyeol frets, Kyungsoo feels the way his hands are trembling.

 

Chanyeol is visibly worried, Kyungsoo can see it through.

But it’s okay.

“Hey, it’s okay.” He assures him. “I can wait. This is probably nothing compared to the years you’ve spent loving me. But I have all the time to convince you, to make you believe that my feelings are true. I will make you believe in me.”

He mutters. “I’m going to need more time.”

“I can wait.” Kyungsoo smiles, eyes full hope and affection. “We can take things slow… until you’re ready to say it back. We have all the time in world.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Chanyeol eventually plays the audio that Baekhyun has asked him to check out. Baekhyun told him that it’s a potential track that the company is eyeing for release, and he wants Chanyeol to give him his honest thoughts about the track. He says it’s made by a friend, so it’s a little bit special. Baekhyun told him to go easy on his composer friend.

What welcomes Chanyeol, though, isn’t the strumming of the guitar or some piano keys, but a voice.

“Hi, Yeol… I decided to finish the song.”

He intakes a deep breath because he knows that voice by heart.

_It’s Kyungsoo._

Kyungsoo continues, “I’m not sure if you still remember this but… the song was actually half-way done. The initial lyrics were written years ago, and seeing those, after seven years - I felt stupid. Because since then, I realized that I’ve been in love with you. I just didn’t know it yet. But now, I understand it. I have a _full grasp_ of everything I’m feeling.”

It’s not even past the one minute mark but his emotions are slowly eating him up. He holds his breath.

“Chanyeol, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I broke your heart. For what it’s worth, I meant every word in this song. And if it’s not too late… I hope you can give me a chance. _I hope you can give us a chance._ I’ve made you wait for so long. I know I can never turn back the seven years you’ve invested in me. But- I’ll be waiting. _I love you._ ”

What follows Kyungsoo’s voice note is a song. It’s the song Kyungsoo composed. He recognizes the first part, as he and Kyungsoo wrote the lyrics together. Hearing him sing it feels different, though, and it’s making him want to cry.

By the time, Kyungsoo finished singing, Chanyeol clutches his chest - a plethora of feelings have washed all over him. He now knows for sure.

  


This is their song.

  


**chanyeol 7:17 pm**

You finished the song.

**chanyeol 7:19 pm**

It was nice.

**chanyeol 7:19 pm**

I love you too.

  


 

**(Track 1) Someone Like You**

Prod. by D.O. and D & E

Lyrics: LOEY and D.O.

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. This fic is ~loosely~ based on a Filipino film called I'm Drunk I Love You. When I read the prompt, I immediately thought of this film, and decided to somewhat pattern the fic into this movie. If you're interested, here's a link of the [trailer. ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wS52h2vTQAY&t=4s) Basically, the film is about about a girl named Carson who has been in love with his best friend for seven years. When Dio, her best friend, invited her to a music festival, she used this opportunity to finally confess. (The OST is A+++!!!!!) 
> 
> 2\. Game of Thrones has been mentioned a few times because (well, I'm a huge fan) + I just imagine Chansoo having it as their ~thing~. I imagine Kyungsoo liking it and then inviting Chanyeol to watch it with him and the rest is history!!! I do think GOT's genre fits Kyungsoo's tastes! 
> 
> 3\. Title is from Lany's new song, I Don't Wanna Love You Anymore. 
> 
> 4\. I really like Melody by Tamaki Koji! It's such a nice song, and I totally understand why Kyungsoo likes it! He mentioned in an interview that he listens to it before he goes to sleep! I eventually found Kyungsoo's short cover of it AND I CRIED!!!! Tbh, I actually listened to Melody and Drunken Truth (sung by Chen) a lot while writing this.


End file.
